The Rabbit's Hole

Again... my confidence level went down to the bottom of my feet. I am literally stepping on it right now. Lately everything seems wrong. I just wanted to be noticed. I really feels like  i'm fucking fat. HECK. I am fat. Everything just doesn't seems to go on my way. It keeps deviated. and every single time i try hard to be noticed i'd somehow appeared like an attention seeker. But i just wanted to be noticed once. to be told by someone especially someone that i like that i'm beautiful and there's nothing i should change. I'm just perfect the way i am. But apparently no! and those extra pounds i've gained before just really make it worse. Personally, I don't really cares about what others were thinking. I just plain hate myself right now. I know that every God creation is perfect. bla.bla.bla. but i'm just in the mood to rant.  I hate what i see in the mirror right now! why can't society just accept chubby girl?? i myself thinks that they're cute.
 why.. does guys are so self absorbed? NO! I DON'T LIKE YOU! NO! I DON'T WANNA TAKE YOU AWAY FROM YOUR GIRLFRIEND! NO! I AM NOT BY ANY MEANS ATTRACTED TO YOU!. does any guy in this world understands that?.. unless your a fictional character, twice my age/dead, on the other side of the world or a selebrity I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU!.
 sometimes i wondered what people thinks of me?... cause i do feel like a fish out of the water. It's just that I can't seems to fit in. I feel ugly. I feel fat. I feel lonely. sighh..

P/S. I'm terribly sorry to force feed you guys my stupid, full of curse rants. that is if you actually read it trough.