The Rabbit's Hole

Beauty could come in all sizes and colour,
Beauty don't have to be fair skinned,
Beauty don't have to be skinny,
Beauty don't have have to be a girl,
Beauty don't have to be perfect,
Beauty is full of flaws.

i usually didn't blog about my real life and private stuff but i think i'm gonna make an exception this time. Maybe because of the stress I've been dealing with right now i decided to make an exception. well, let's start right now shall we?
Guess what? i'm 19 this year and just enrolled into ' Universiti Malaysia Terengganu(UMT)' for degree.  It doesn't go as I planned actually. I wanted to go somewhere in KL not here, not that I have anything against it but i want to  be closer to my best friends. I've got to admit among all my besties i'm much more closer to Fatin Liyana and Liyana Roslan. well, maybe because we still contact each other and cared about each other so much.

 when i first found out i got UMT to further my studies in degree in Conservation and managment of biodiversity, i plainly accept the fact though i was so disappointed, maybe because i've shed too many tears before. My horrid PSPM results that turned out to be worst than i expected it to be, then goes the stupid medsi test which i failed. this one was the most overwhelming part. I can't even begin to describe the despair i went through.
but, accepting the fact doesn't means that i wasn't scared shit about going that far from my hometown.
 Then again, i gained hope a few days after receiving shitty treatment from my soon to be seniors when i found few bunch of anime/otaku/toku fandom nakama(on facebook). I saw rays of hope been lit upon me. Seriously, I was so happy that to know that i have someone to share my life with and i wasn't kidding when i say anime is my life.
 On 31st August we started our journey to terengganu. It was a long and tiring day. I'm having my period on that day and there was period pain so you could guess what kind of hell i've been dealing with on that day. We reached our homestay at about 7.00 p.m.Then, on the 1st September i started to have flu,coughing like crazy and got high fever.I'm trying to deny the fact that i'm going to start my life alone with bunch of strangers.Then on the next day, it was the day i supposed to register myself in UMT. Fuck that. there was just too much feels.. but deep inside i was hoping that those promise someone just made will be kept. then on that exact night... (minggu jalinan mesra)MJM starts.
well.. a week passed and that promises was never fulfilled. What i was hoping was useless. I know no one and i'm socially awkward. I couldn't even bring myself to talk to few person i know through Facebook. I saw Abg Faiz. My fellow otaku nakama but i'm such a shy, awkward and socially awkawrd person(hikikomori). i instanly grew jelouse at those girls who could talk freely to abg2 and kakak2 fasi and jokes with them. I tried to talk to abg faiz but that was just plain useless i just make myself to look like a stalker instead. I have o confidence over myself. I wish i wasn't this socially awkward. I don't know how to start a conversation especially to guys.They must think i'm weird and ugly and fat not to mention my skin just got sunburn.. it's just too pathetic. I want to wrap myself in my safety blanket and go back to my world. My virtual and fantasies world.Fuck socialising.
 Dear readers, sorry if to have you hear my rant on my fucking life.If you actually read all of it and didn't stop halfway.