The Rabbit's Hole

um.. well. hi?
what?! at least I updated something after a year-- okay.. maybe more..
so.. that's it// good day and bye

Again... my confidence level went down to the bottom of my feet. I am literally stepping on it right now. Lately everything seems wrong. I just wanted to be noticed. I really feels like  i'm fucking fat. HECK. I am fat. Everything just doesn't seems to go on my way. It keeps deviated. and every single time i try hard to be noticed i'd somehow appeared like an attention seeker. But i just wanted to be noticed once. to be told by someone especially someone that i like that i'm beautiful and there's nothing i should change. I'm just perfect the way i am. But apparently no! and those extra pounds i've gained before just really make it worse. Personally, I don't really cares about what others were thinking. I just plain hate myself right now. I know that every God creation is perfect. bla.bla.bla. but i'm just in the mood to rant.  I hate what i see in the mirror right now! why can't society just accept chubby girl?? i myself thinks that they're cute.
 why.. does guys are so self absorbed? NO! I DON'T LIKE YOU! NO! I DON'T WANNA TAKE YOU AWAY FROM YOUR GIRLFRIEND! NO! I AM NOT BY ANY MEANS ATTRACTED TO YOU!. does any guy in this world understands that?.. unless your a fictional character, twice my age/dead, on the other side of the world or a selebrity I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU!.
 sometimes i wondered what people thinks of me?... cause i do feel like a fish out of the water. It's just that I can't seems to fit in. I feel ugly. I feel fat. I feel lonely. sighh..

P/S. I'm terribly sorry to force feed you guys my stupid, full of curse rants. that is if you actually read it trough.

I know, I know.. it's been a decade since I updated my blog. But, it's not like there's anyone out there who actually read my blog. Here's an update to what happened to my life. Yes. No one confessed to me this semester. I'm 20 years old (though it's still unofficial till this 6th january) and still never have a love life. I'm still a full time fangirl. No male human being here has yet to melt my heart.(p/s: semua muka mcm pecah rumah.LOL. (joking kay)... I am still a socially awkward being. I am and will always be an OTAKU!!  I'm still falling for celebrity and fictional character

Beauty could come in all sizes and colour,
Beauty don't have to be fair skinned,
Beauty don't have to be skinny,
Beauty don't have have to be a girl,
Beauty don't have to be perfect,
Beauty is full of flaws.

i usually didn't blog about my real life and private stuff but i think i'm gonna make an exception this time. Maybe because of the stress I've been dealing with right now i decided to make an exception. well, let's start right now shall we?
Guess what? i'm 19 this year and just enrolled into ' Universiti Malaysia Terengganu(UMT)' for degree.  It doesn't go as I planned actually. I wanted to go somewhere in KL not here, not that I have anything against it but i want to  be closer to my best friends. I've got to admit among all my besties i'm much more closer to Fatin Liyana and Liyana Roslan. well, maybe because we still contact each other and cared about each other so much.

 when i first found out i got UMT to further my studies in degree in Conservation and managment of biodiversity, i plainly accept the fact though i was so disappointed, maybe because i've shed too many tears before. My horrid PSPM results that turned out to be worst than i expected it to be, then goes the stupid medsi test which i failed. this one was the most overwhelming part. I can't even begin to describe the despair i went through.
but, accepting the fact doesn't means that i wasn't scared shit about going that far from my hometown.
 Then again, i gained hope a few days after receiving shitty treatment from my soon to be seniors when i found few bunch of anime/otaku/toku fandom nakama(on facebook). I saw rays of hope been lit upon me. Seriously, I was so happy that to know that i have someone to share my life with and i wasn't kidding when i say anime is my life.
 On 31st August we started our journey to terengganu. It was a long and tiring day. I'm having my period on that day and there was period pain so you could guess what kind of hell i've been dealing with on that day. We reached our homestay at about 7.00 p.m.Then, on the 1st September i started to have flu,coughing like crazy and got high fever.I'm trying to deny the fact that i'm going to start my life alone with bunch of strangers.Then on the next day, it was the day i supposed to register myself in UMT. Fuck that. there was just too much feels.. but deep inside i was hoping that those promise someone just made will be kept. then on that exact night... (minggu jalinan mesra)MJM starts.
well.. a week passed and that promises was never fulfilled. What i was hoping was useless. I know no one and i'm socially awkward. I couldn't even bring myself to talk to few person i know through Facebook. I saw Abg Faiz. My fellow otaku nakama but i'm such a shy, awkward and socially awkawrd person(hikikomori). i instanly grew jelouse at those girls who could talk freely to abg2 and kakak2 fasi and jokes with them. I tried to talk to abg faiz but that was just plain useless i just make myself to look like a stalker instead. I have o confidence over myself. I wish i wasn't this socially awkward. I don't know how to start a conversation especially to guys.They must think i'm weird and ugly and fat not to mention my skin just got sunburn.. it's just too pathetic. I want to wrap myself in my safety blanket and go back to my world. My virtual and fantasies world.Fuck socialising.
 Dear readers, sorry if to have you hear my rant on my fucking life.If you actually read all of it and didn't stop halfway.

    Usagi was panting heavily.Drops of sweats drizzled from her face and her bangs were soaking wet from the sweats.The blades of her swords shone as the dawn light touches it. Spending all night training all alone was exhausting. She looks up at the shy sun whose peeking at her and she knows that she need  to hurried up home before her big sister finds out that she'd sneaked out to train all alone.She immediately suppressed her riatsu and headed home.
  There's no sign of anyone anywhere which is good so she quickly sneaked into the corridors and went inside her room.Pretending to sleep as she soon give in to he fatigue and slowly fell asleep.

****************************************************************************************

Damn. It was half past noon already. She was that late for work.Her big sister is not going to be happy for this.She ran as fast as she could(translated:shunpo) to the 4th division. Once she get infront of the main 4th division building her first reflexes was to look for her furious big sister or her vise captain Isane. no. she couldn't find both of them.That might be a good thing but it's too weird but she ignored it either way. She might as well take this golden opportunity to walk away.
*bam!!
she banged her head on the wall. "ouch" Usagi said as  she rubbed her already red forehead"stupid wall" she murmured to herself.
"ano ne.. usagi.. i don't think it's the wall's fault".Usagi turned around and saw the light blue haired beauty.
"yuki!. what are you doing here?"she exclaimed to the light blue haired girl with sapphire eyes, Matsumoto Yukiko
"don't you know?"
Usagi's face was clueless.
"jeez Usagi... don't you know that both Yumichika and Ikaku the 5th and 3rd from 11th division was badly hurt from those ryokas? not to mention that just know Renji just lost to one of those ryoka's. i say that we really underestimated them but i heard that Yamamoto old man just released a statement that all vice captains and higher up must always have their zanpaktou by their side and are allowed to went all out on a battle"
'wait what??.."
Yuki just raised her eyebrow.
"you mean we're going an all out war on them?"
Yuki gives her an isn't that obvious look.
Usagi sigh
"i'm on a duty shirou-chan gave me so i thought bout paying all those miserable life a visit since it's own my way"
well.. yuki-chan will always be yuki-chan. she talk's bout those higher ranking than her like a lowly life being. Usagi's just too used to it since they're studying together though Yuki got higher rank than her. She's the 3rd at 10th division.
"well.. i should go now.. i'm already late for the stuff Shirou-chan told me to do"
"kay.. bye.. and take care yuki-chan"
and Usagi's off to her work

since you guys absolutely loves those blood type post i'm gonna post something related today. though it's just bunch of pics i just hope you like it.

Usagi was totally filled with envy at the sight of her. Her slim figure, gorgeous  brown locks and yes her stunning deep green eyes. She summoned her courage and approached her.
"he.. hello?".Usagi smiled serenely.The girl slowly looked at her with those mesmerizing green eyes of her and gave usagi something like a half smile in return. Awkward.
"etto.. um.. they said you're in the 11th division squad..  they must be wrong"
"they're right. I am".
"eh??!".Usagi was startled. she never thought that this pretty girl would be in such brute and savage squad. She seems too delicate for that.
"I am from 11th division squad" she explained.
"That 11th squad??".Usagi blinked.
"well.. i don't think there's others. Btw, do you always wears that". she eyed Usagi from head to toe. Usagi blushed and panicked.
"this.. um.. i can explain".Damn. She never thought that her supposed to be patient would wake up. To have someone as pretty as her to have a glimpse of silly side of her's was too embarrassing.
 Laughter suddenly broke from the pretty girl mouth. This time it was sincere enough that it made Usagi laugh too. Both of them  looked at each others eyes, there were some kind of undefined attraction and affection they feels toward each others and it's too deep to be explained by mere words as it goes far beyond the word love itself.
" I kinda like you. I think we could get along pretty well. what's your name? I'm Kururugi Cyoko." She smiled and held her right hand toward Usagi offering a friendly handshake.Usagi smiled back. She like her too, very much. this girl called Cyoko.
"Usagi.Unohana Usagi". She said as she accept that small piece of friendship.
"Usagi huh?".Cyoko let out a sniff that weirdly sounds like a laugh."it's kinda suits you well".and there she goes burst out laughing.
"wh..what's that supposed to mean?!"
"pfft.. ignore it"
"well.. can i know how did you get into this state?"
"it's embarrassing. How could a number 4 like me lose to that supposed to be 'subtitude shinigami' " cyoko looked at usagi with soft eyes." but you know Usagi, he was a worthy opponent and i don't think that he and his friends done anything wrong at all. He's just saving Kuchiki-san".
"subtitude shinigami? You mean those ryoka's??.Startled.
"yeah" Cyoko answer it short and simple
"to think that they're actually trying to save Kuchiki-san. They're the good guys aren't they?.Both of them stay quite for a few moments. "maybe.. maybe we're the bad guys here... i want to save kuchiki-san to but i never had the guts to do so.. i didn't even had the guts to oppose when they punished Kuchiki-san. I'm such a coward"
Cyoko nods. "me too"

i'm gonna spam you with lots of yukki's pic and vid.. OMG3!! he's soooooooo adorable~~ i think we're connected by soul.. he should be my little brother... let's start on how i know him.. as i was really bored and browsing youtube and at that time i was currently obsessed with Kuroshitsuji so i was trying to fill the void left after i finished all of Kuroshitsuji series( but i'm still reading the manga).. and so~.. i tried to watch Kuroshitsuji Musical(Kuromyu)..and Yuya matsushita played Sebastian michaelis while my yukki played my favorite Ciel Phantomhive

YUYA ,MATSUSHITA

yuya

Matsushita Yuya and Nishii Yukito  thus i started to loves this lovely boy.. i started to watch lots of movies and drama that he stars.. like in Kokuhaku.. man.. he's such a genius actor.. then in HanaKimi Remake as Nakao Senri.. he's much cuter that atsuko maeda..

aren't he's adoarable his 17 this year

OMG3!!!!

yuya n yukki both as sebastian and ciel at stage and backstage

16 y/old nishii

look at that adorable face.. he's playing ciel.. i wanna glomp him

in kokuhaku.. he did such a good job as a cute psiko killer

and this is some pics of kuroshitsuji~~

kuroshitsuji~~ ciel as girl

VK kuroshitsuji~

nothing big.. just telling ya'll that i'm on my way on writing on rider chapter 1 and the house of vampire chapter 2...

hi guy's.. for those who actually read my blog my blog content's today will just bored the hell out of ya! seriously.. take this as a warning if u dun wanna listen to my bratty complaint... ok.. this is it.. i'm currently feeling so jelouse! sigh~ all my friends just been confessed to.. EXCEPT FOR ME! seriously.... bila la nk ada guy yg nk confess kat aku ni?.. i mean... i got jelouse after i read my friend's blog bout her being confessed to... twice!!.. WTF?
me? none!... wua~~~~ why am i so unlucky? curse to my "cute" body n unattractive face! all i ever do was crushing 4 someone but never get the feeling returned... yes! study come's first n even if i have someone confessed to me i might just rejected him..( kalau la ada kan?)... why no one confessed to me?.. i wanna lose some weight!
it's settled now! i' just that unattractive to have someone fall for me!!! i just hate myself!

ok first i'm in a random mood 2 post bout blood personalities.. since most of us know la that each blood type carry different types of personalities...( sapa2 yg x tau 2 ni nk cita)

my blood type is AB! urs? so i got to admit that 99.99% of what i'm about to share with u guys is true(4 me la) but it get quite funny since AB is the most badass of all.... seriously.. i mean it... hahaha.. so enjoy:



now come AB blood type:

Type A:













lastly come type B:






that's it.. thank you for reading.. hope u guys enjoy(ceit.. mcm la ada org baca)

 Stupid! that what she always thought about those stupid-oh-I'm-so-strong members of 11th division. Not that she have anything against them, it just that she hate how they treated her beloved 4th division like trash.... and now guess what? they're all over the place at the 4th division place so that the 4th divisions that they'd been treating like trash could treat and heal their wounds. jeesh!
 She practically didn't blame the ryokas at all, they did a good job actually at kicking those punks ass but as a return she also got to work her but off treating them.Nice.she thought. Usagi's was running here and there to get the medicines supplies and suddenly bumped onto someone. She's got to be around her size, or maybe shorter than her .She thought.
"i'm sorry" She abruptly apologize and looked up peeking under her long and straight eyelashes. instead of looking at a girl she was looking at a guy. he has  silver hair and on top of the black shinigami kimono was a white haori. Haori?! Usagi could swear that her heart just stopped beating for a moment. Why would a Taichou from other division doing here?
"it's okay" Hitsugaya Taichou said with a poker face. Hitsugaya toushirou. He become the 10th division Taichou at such a young age and there was a rumors about his cold attitude but he seems okay to her.
"just be careful next time" he said coldly and blushed? . Usagi just looked at him trough her eyelashes and nod while flushing brightly.

"Taichou~"  a beautiful blond lady waved her hand. Apparently at Hitsugaya Taichou.
"Matsumoto fukutaichou?...."and she turned her gaze back to the silver haired taichou.
"ara.. taichou.. i didn't know your having a date right now" she teased him. usagi face flushed brightly because of it.
"MATSUMOTO!!! " and usagi realised that he too blushed a bright shade of pink.

****************************************************************************

She didn't expect to have this kind of warm feelings when she saw Hitsugaya taichou in person. He barely said anything to her yet she feels at ease when she's with him. woah! what the ... she's just meet him once and she can't stop thinking about him already... this is weird.
 Usagi stopped at the mirror to take a look at herself. The pink nurse uniform was well... she's just in the mood to play around and wear  cute stuff like that though she knows that she won't look as pretty as other girls would be. her average look wont do her any good and she always wonder why guys always ended up gawking at her chest. What's so good about it anyway? flat chested and skinny girls always make her drowned with envy,besides, having bigger chest gaves he pain in the shoulders and back not to mention it makes her harder to run around without having them bounces.. urgh!! the only thing that she's proud about herself is her pretty long and silky black hair. it  had always been her asset.Now all's left to continue her job. it's a good thing that she's in a good mood right now or her next patient who is most likely going to be someones from the 11th division to get her 'special' treat.
  As she enters the room her assumptions went all wrong when she saw a pretty girl sleeping soundly on the bed.Just like a sleeping beauty she thought to herself. thick and long brown hair and a thin figure. She was so jelouse that her stomach started to ache. While she was busy with her inner babble the girls eyes suddenly opened her eyes and gave usagi more thing to be jelouse of. Her eyes haves the pretties shade of green she'd ever seen in her life.

 

woah~ what just happen to my blog? sorry blog! 4 abandoning u 4 a long time... huhuhu....

4 my dear  readers( chewah.. mcm la ada org baca blog aku ni)... sorry 4 my non-updates.. i'll try my best to update something later kay..

Remember my previous post bout my Gack and Hyde obsession... well------------ it kinda not over yet!.. thehehe... so.. recently i just found out bout this... so, enjoy!


In 2009, Gackt, the voice behind Gakupo, challenged the users of Vocaloid to a song competition using Gakupo. The grand prize winner would not only receive 10 million yen, but Gackt would also sing the song and include it in his next album if he liked it enough. The winner was announced as “Episode 0” by mathru/KanimisoP, which was released as Gackt’s 39th single on the 13th of July 2011.Gackt himself cosplaying Gakupo! nge~ ah~ so adorable!!!  he's soooooo macho!!!! GACKT FOREVER!!!!

Gackt dressed up as Gakupo